363. - John Early

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Just a little bit of breaking news before we get into last night. I wanted to check on Bob Lefsatz because a fight did break out in the VIP section of the Eagles concert last night while they were playing Take It Easy. So I just want to make sure Bob is kind of still with us and he didn't get bottled or anything. Okay, so they were playing Take It Easy. That's right. A pretty hard song to fight to. I would think so, yeah. So it was in the VIP. So this was a celeb fighting, but we don't know who. It was a VIP massive brawl in the VIP section of the British Summertime Festival in Hyde Park. Not Hyde Park. Not Hyde Park. It's crazy. It's crazy. So, I mean. It looks like a man in an Eagles t-shirt can also be seen throwing punches security guard. That could be Bob. He doesn't seem like a guy who respects authority, Jason. That's true, but he also doesn't seem like a guy who's been in a fistfight in 50 years. Shout out to Bob. I know you're not listening. You little son of a bitch. That's a good point. But yeah, last night we were able to go to the... beautiful West Hollywood edition to celebrate Tom of Finland. And Jason participated by having only three martinis instead of four or two instead of three? Three instead of two. They made it so easy. Whenever we go to dinner, I'll be like, all right, I'll have one martini, maybe two if it's going to be, if the juices are flowing, if the conversation is lively, et cetera, et cetera. Sure.

It was a three-banger, because a woman just comes to the table and says, you want another one? They already have it memorized. It's a frictionless system. Yeah, I want to shout out to Hari Neff, who was there, and a friend of the show, Orville Peck, in full regalia, seated next to us. We got to finally build with Orville. Yeah, Orville's going to come on the show. We've had some misfires in the past, just due to his touring schedule. His little ass is coming on. He wants to talk about jeweling and all his little accents. So, you know, we'll get to that. But I wanted to kind of quickly unpack the gift bag that we received. You're literally unpacking the gift bag. Literally unpacking the gift bag because I was hoping for maybe one of the JW Anderson collaborative T-shirts that, you know, probably retail for $3.50 over at MatchesFashion.com. Oh, no. But instead, we received... A nice silicone-based lubricant. When you say nice, because it didn't look that nice from the outside, so you're saying it was actually pretty good? I mean, it's only been 12 hours. I haven't had the chance to experience it yet. I just assume that if anyone is going to make a high-quality silicone lube, it would be our friends at Tom of Finland. There's two things I would expect them to make great. A leather harness and lube. Those are the two things I would trust them on. Maybe a nice pencil set for sketching. Yeah, exactly. But it also included the puzzle that I got you as a gift a while back. So now you have two Tom of Finland puzzles. Might want to hide those. I bet you feel silly now, Chris. I do feel a little silly, but I also feel like maybe I was ahead of the curve. But then additionally, there is something that I want to see you kind of implement. The Tom of Finland pop socket. For the back of the phone, I think that would really look good for you to kind of get some of your workout videos so you could check your form and stuff. I think it could really help you. Oh, because you can kind of set it up and it acts as like a little impromptu iPhone stand. That's so smart. Exactly. And when you're in bed watching Kim Kardashian's reels, you don't drop your phone on your face. That's the other kind of – I was looking. I was unboxing the gift bag.

seconds before we hit record and i was looking at that pop socket and i was like oh shit it's about to be pop socket summer city boy summer but the the time of finland pop socket it was It was definitely the one that they're like, oh, put this in the gift bag because no one buys this one. There's definitely five Tom of Finland pop sockets. You're saying design-wise. Function-wise, it's fine. When you get free stuff from a brand in a gift bag, it's usually like, what shit do we have to throw in here that we were just going to kind of donate or get rid of anyway? Of course. So we definitely got the worst one. If it was a winner, if it was just like... a classic Tom of Finland stud or a veiny nine incher, you know, that socket's getting popped on there and it's not going to be my daily driver, but I'll do it. I'll do it for a long weekend. I'll do it for the four. That socket's getting fucking popped for the four. I'll splash out for the four. I am. I was able to go to the high mat, the gym this morning for a quick kind of speed workout on the treadmills over there. I gotta say, bro, this gym is fucking insane. Like, it's like, it might be too nice. Alright, alright. No, no, no, in a way where I'm like, it's so designed that I feel bad, like, sweating on something. So, yeah, okay, that makes sense, that makes sense. But yeah, you know what's annoying, though? The one thing I will say about LA that kills me, I don't want to valet at the gym. I want to park my fucking car and walk down some steps and go to my workout. That seems un-Chris-like, actually. I agree, but it's like when I go out of town and I have to take an Uber to work out. It kills me. I just hate it. I know what you mean. I just don't like that lack of control. So that's just one small note. Of course, they do charge it to your account, much like the San Vicente Bungalows. So it's a seamless transaction, but it still feels like an unnecessary step. You know what I mean? And you can also subscribe to the valet. It's $30 a month or $5 each time if you want to do it kind of a la carte. It's like Wi-Fi on Delta. You can subscribe for $40 a month or pay $30 every time you use it. It's your choice. I think it's not a bad deal. It's not a bad deal. But that's something that we've talked about before. When you have a brick and mortar location that deals with the upper crust or the elite, the G-Wagon drivers of our fair city, these are situations where you're going to...

More likely ballet, especially when you're in that neighborhood, which is not Skid Row, but it ain't... Brentwood Country Mart over there by the rock quarry. No, it's not. I just don't. I don't know. I just feel like valet in Los Angeles is a big part of the fabric of the city, but I also feel like sometimes it's overused and a little bit of a cash grab. Oh, it's always an overused cash grab. We see through that, but we still persist, and we do leave the key in the cup holder. I'm glad you're feeling better. You didn't seem that twisted, though. I've got to be honest. Yeah, which is a little bit of an issue if I have three martinis and I'm just kind of fine. I did smoke a cig while I drove home. Oh, whoa. Forest lawn with the windows open. If you know what that means, you know how good that felt. You know what I'm saying to the listeners? So what were you listening to when you were blasting down forest lawn while blasting? Marc Maron? No, I don't know. I don't remember exactly what I was listening to. Maybe Doja Cat. No. It was probably some calming binaural beats, some meditative. No, maybe some jazz. Who fucking knows? Okay. I didn't know if you put on something a little more club-like because you were feeling loose. Oh, you know what? I was listening to some fucking trance. I was talking to Hari Neff about... Oh, yeah. About the art of DJing. And Hari was like, yeah, I'm getting into it. And I was like, oh, what kind of stuff are you playing? A little hardcore, a little trance, a little breakbeat. And Hari was like, well, that's exactly what I am playing. You clocked me, chief. I read Hari like a novella, and I was feeling trancy. I think trance, it's going to be a trance girl summer. Okay. It's all coming back to me. Tiesto has a song out with Charlie XCX that just came out today. I saw Charlie teasing that, and I said, you know what, I'm probably going to skip this one just because I don't know if that's for me. It's good. But you're saying it bangs. It bangs. Well, I mean, Tiesto used to be a trance god back when you were just getting into the game. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just when my parents were letting me stay out all night, Tiesto was kind of getting started. I actually was explaining.

to hari how you do such a great job of explaining electronic music to me that it's one of my favorite qualities about you That you are very patient and you really do it with a nice flair where it doesn't feel like you're talking down, but you're educating a full dum-dum on something they know nothing about. And I think it's a great quality. If only that were a skill that were valuable or marketable in any way. But yeah, I'd like to think that I have a gift. Maybe one day when I grow up, I can... teach people how to use ableton live at a community college i think the red bull academy is still open so you could probably get in there you know i don't know but but also just quickly before we talk about our guests harry got me pretty excited about this fucking barbie movie i you know i wasn't yeah we talked about it a little bit we won't reveal anything of course but i didn't realize what was happening well i mean all the paparazzi photos have revealed the entire plot line uh a b and c story arcs have been revealed But, yeah, Hari, we shouldn't say all of that because we don't want to release any information that's not out. But let's say we have a renewed and newfound faith and excitement in the Barbie flick. We think it's going to be more than just eye candy fluff, and it's going to be cultural commentation. On life and sexuality. Something to sink our teeth into. And that's all you can ask for from some beautiful cinema. We do have a guest today. You guys are probably familiar with John Early, the comedian. He has a new show with Kate Berlant called Would It Kill You? Would It Kill You to Laugh? Sorry. And, of course, Search Party, a cult classic. I'm guessing that John listens to this podcast religiously and is very excited to come on and is probably like, Finally, the Variety review came in. The Vulture review came in. There was a GQ story by – actually, Stephen Phillips Horst wrote that story, which was great. But How Long Gone is kind of the crown jewel of the press run of this new show is what the vibe is. It's a good way to bookend everything, save the best for the last kind of thing. It sounded like you were using a little sarcasm when you said John must listen to the show all the time, but I think there's a chance he's popped his head in.

And kick the tires on what we're up to? He might have popped his head. I was going to tell you quickly while we're talking about comedy, the Good Ones podcast is about comedy, so I don't ever listen to it. But next week, Earthquake is the guest, Jason. How do you know that? Because I saw it on Twitter, and I was just like, I don't want Jason to miss that because I think it's a rare chance to get a peek behind Earthquake's curtain. Yeah, and it's a big old curtain. Yeah, I would say, yeah, that podcast, Good One. If you're a comedy nerd, it can be good, but he just did an episode with Cat Williams a few weeks ago, and it was great to see Cat being interviewed by the nerdiest white guy in history. It had like a Nardwar feel to it. It had the Vice feel when they would send Thomas into Houston. Are you guys going to kill me and rape my family? It's okay if you do. All right, let's give John a call, and we'll get into his How Long Gone listenership. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app.

using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area.

You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So, head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Am I recording? We're recording. Thank you for joining us. Are you in LA? Are you in New York? Where are you right now? I'm in LA. Do you live? Do you have a house in LA or are you just here? I own property. Oh. Sorry, it takes me a second to get out of the... Kind of enjoying hearing myself in the headphones, but I'll work through that. Can we turn me up? You've been doing this too long to still get a chub from hearing your own voice. I know. Maybe that's why you're successful. It keeps you going. Exactly. So you're currently paying property tax in Los Angeles? Yeah. I don't know why. I thought you were an East Coast cat for some reason. Well, listen, I identify as an East Coast cat, and I lived there for 10 years. I moved here in 2016. Period. For professional reasons, thought I was literally supposed to move here for a job, and then... Oh, not pilot season. Oh, no, not pilot season. Oh, fuck off! I know how it goes, man. It's tough. I come out every year. So are you in Venice? Hermosa, where you at, John? You know where my ass is. Los Feliz? Silver Lake. Okay, okay. Do we have a view of the res, or are we not quite there yet? I should go. Look, I live in Glendale, so I can't say shit, okay? I love Glendale. Do they know your order at Intelligentsia, or do you kind of try to stay off the block? It's too hot for you. That's really funny. I mean, I shouldn't say this.

How scandalous will this Intelligentsia comment be? Bleep the name out. Bleep the name out, even though everyone will know who I'm talking about. But, you know, she lives very close to Intelligentsia. Redacted lives very close to Intelligentsia. Yes. And so sometimes when, you know, we are like working over at her place and we want to get a little cold brew, we walk to Intelligentsia. And it is a runway. still is it still like it's disgusting no i know i know it's it's yeah yeah i mean everybody looks like shit but they're trying you know what i mean right that's it's it's it's it's silver like you know prince and elizabeth if you will oh my god you know i used to work at cafe chaton what first of all i thought they only hired hot chicks there oh fuck I've literally never seen a man working there. No, I know. But there is a position that is literally for men only for some reason. It's like part of their gendered aesthetic. Are you saying it's not a bus person, it's a bus boy in this case? Well, no, honey. I was the barista bartender. Oh, okay. So they have a fella. On the ones and twos, making the macchiatas. And then at night, you have to make drinks. And they truly only hire you for your essence-slash-appearance. And I was 22, so I was skinny. And I was charming. But they never trained me as a bartender. Never. And when I moved from that... location the prince street to the jane location oh they had like short jane location yes yeah and like people would come in and be like can i get a martini and i'd be like and i would just literally two slippery nipples did you work with did you i have a question because there's a famous graduate of cafe jaton The very pretty woman who married Albert Hammond Jr. Did you work with her? I don't know who that is. Okay. Wait, who's Albert Hammond? From The Strokes. It was one of the greatest glow-ups of all time. Who's the curly-haired guitar player from The Strokes? Okay, let me look it up. She literally went from, yeah, what do you want with your avocado toast to I'm on tour with The Strokes. Albert Hammond? Well, Albert Hammond is the least hot out of the band, not counting the bass player. That's a good point. But I don't think it's like, I mean, it's still... I...

No, Justina. I love Justina. She's beautiful. She's so cool. Justina? Justina Stroka. I mean, it's a classic New York. It's a classic New York tale. She's like breathtaking. It's kind of crazy that she worked any job in public. You know what I mean? No, all the girls they hired were so stunning and model-y and Russian. You couldn't even take advantage of that, big dog. I hate to hear it. I know. So how did it feel to be on that roster? It felt very chic, but I was just always in a state of panic because I kind of just never would let myself fully learn the job. Because you wanted out? I wanted out. It was simply a stepping stone. What's the point in learning mixology flair? Yeah, exactly. And then just like fucking espresso. I could do an Americano, obviously, but like... anything else now did you have any so you didn't even have a background in barista you didn't have a starbucks stint previous to this well this is my genius friend jacqueline novak's joke that i'm obsessed with which is like how do you like you can't be a waitress without waitressing experience so i guess there are no waitresses like which like i don't i mean i was just truly i mean it's really sweet actually to think about it i'm sure now they're like i don't know what people do with resumes now it can't Simply be that you print them out like the old days. But I mean, I literally had a fucking stack of resumes and like walked to restaurants. I love this. And they all were just like, I would lie. They would go, do you know how to use the POS system? I'd be like, mm-hmm. All of them? Yeah. Yes. Very much so. I mean, that's a good – as far as New York restaurant jobs in that era, that's top of the top. I could not – I didn't realize what I was stepping into. I had a boyfriend at that time who was – you know grew up in new york and was kind of like oh my god cafe jeton like he was like that's that's like chic as hell and then and i was working there i was like i think i like you know watch like melinda and melinda so i was like oh they're they're in cafe jeton i started to like see it in movies and like you have any funny celebrity encounters alec baldwin throw uh americano at you or anything like that because i feel like it's it's a no i once made a latte i know i once made a latte for ryan gosling and didn't realize i was making it for him it just was a ticket

And then they took it out to him. And I was like, did that bitch get an alternative milk or did he go whole? I know you remember. Are you Southern? Yeah. Where are you from? Atlanta. Okay, work. You know I'm from Nashville. Oh, I didn't know that, actually. Atlanta gets a work? That's right, because he's, as a Nashville resident, the up-and-coming... He didn't say Chattahoochee or something. He has to respect Atlanta, the major hub of the South. Well, and Atlanta is very similar to Nashville. It's just like, it's kind of not... It doesn't feel Southern. Because they both have four seasons in them? Yeah. Nashville feels Southern because everyone you meet is 22 and has three kids, you know, and is married. And is Christian, yeah. Yeah, they're very Christian there. I'm glad you made it out because that could have been – I could see you kind of on a youth pastor wave if you didn't make it out of there. Totally. Well, that's – yeah, that's my look, obviously, and that's – I did go to youth group. There's something obviously very sexually exciting about, like, youth group. Yeah. You should maybe cut that out. No, no, no. No, you can leave it in. You can leave it in. No, I was never Christian or religious, but we would go to the church youth group Wednesday night mixer. Hotties were there. Hotties were in the building. The Christians like to suck. Yeah, the Christians suck. They suck. Exactly. And it's like that summer camp kind of vibe. Were your parents religious? Because I've tried to explain to people where in the South it's just like, kind of part of the culture the way that judaism is part of the culture in new york where it's like yes even if you're not like jesus died on the cross i want to wash myself in his blood you just like go to church because it's like what people do yeah totally it's your like little it's your little ritual as a family and my parents are technically religious in that they are both ordained ministers um like presbyterian ministers okay so that's pretty serious so they are pretty serious it is serious but like even that like they're more like you know they met at vanderbilt divinity school they were more like kind of

Divinity School Queens. It was more like theology, less... It was more like the kind of bureaucracy of running a church and less about instilling me or my sister with some sort of religious... They were back of house, perhaps. Exactly. Someone's got to keep this congregation around. They're making sure Reese Witherspoon tithes her 10%. That's what it sounds like to me. Yes. Great place to grow up, though. Great place to grow up. Do you go back? Because I find it to be a little tough these days. What about it? See, I'm flipping the script, interviewing you for once. I just think it's a little bit like, I don't mind going there. I have a lot of friends there, and I always have a good time because the food's pretty good. But there's something about it that I just don't like, and I can't figure it out exactly. Yeah, well, I mean, yes. Because it's you, Chris. That's why. I'm the problem. Yeah, it's classic projection. You just see yourself everywhere, and you hate it. Yeah. No, I think what it is, and maybe this is also still projection, is just, like, it's all becoming one city. Like, everything's becoming a city. Everything's kind of, there's a kind of prefab, like, kind of like, this is how you make a cool little, like, subcultural city. Like, see, you open it, you have a taco truck. You have... you have mason jars you have pickles you know you it's like you have a bicycle repair shop coffee shop that's right dog cookie store i mean literally in one there is actually a bicycle repair shop and a coffee shop there's like a jean place that's also a coffee shop you know i think that's what's fucking depressing about all of these little hubs what's depressing i mean it's depressing about nashville because there's a nashville's like got a real history kind of So it's like you don't have to do that. You chose to do that. Exactly. It's so sad. You really don't have to do it. But they think they have to appeal to a certain kind of like young creative. Every city has to appeal to young creatives. Well, they kind of do. Yeah, I mean. Because we're the last generation who wants any of that shit. You think Gen Z won't want.

like they won't even know what it is to want it you know right right there'll be no jobs because there's no there's gonna be no documentaries about like this is what mini malls used to look like right i think gen z still wants like cute restaurants to take pictures in which is like really what we're talking about yeah but they don't want to yeah they don't want to go a cute restaurant that's yummy to eat they want it to be There's a wall with airbrush angel wings on it where I can take a neon. I think I lean more towards that than some of your little tweezer food, so I don't know how that makes me feel, but it's a little scary. John and I, we're both a little bit country and a little bit tweezer, and there's nothing wrong with that, Chris. John, are you fucking with tweezers, bro? Don't lie. No, just in that we are both lovers of the culinary arts. yeah oh god and oh at least i'm putting words in your mouth i don't know if that's no no you're right you're right unfortunately you're right don't bring up like twa mech on this podcast for god's sake which i've never been to i've never been to if you guys want to talk about destroyer breakfast that's going to be a different podcast um oh my god i can take it oh my god i went to destroyer once and once And absolutely hated it. But the food there is really good. The food is good. I like the food. Okay, well, I need to go again, but I literally... It was just like ash. It was like... literally like potatoes with ash like it just was like all ash i don't know it was so weird potatoes with ash pea tendrils with burnt yeah no i mean they've come a long way but it's it's low-key delicious and very uh innovative and i just never go to culver city so i'd never eat there i went such a long time ago but it was i just found it to like taste like almost like medicinal and just not really good that's the problem he's pretty hateable but no it's okay what are your so what are your go-to spots because this is something that we really dig into here on How Long Gone. That's right. Yeah, that's right. We do. We love restaurant talk. We love airline smoothies. Thank you for just letting me do it. Harry's Berries. Have you ever had Harry's Berries? I don't know. Have I? What? Oh, you wouldn't know if you had Harry's Berries. John, John, you got too much money to have never tried a Harry's Berry, bro. You're on TV and shit. Come on now. Was. It's over.

If you're anything like us, you'll see a small collection of fruits or vegetables in a basket that costs $18, and you're like, I must have it. Yeah, you got to try it. Is it a monthly delivery service of fruit? No, that's Flamingo Estates. No, that's Flamingo Estates. Oh, God, wow. Where you get a sweaty box of... collard greens and shard stems yeah and it's oh my god i used to put i used to like in the beginning of the pandemic i was i signed as we all did like i mean this is that's how out of touch i am as we all did um we all signed up for 120 dollars a month of produce um but it was it was called narrative oh my god that's narrative narrative and it was like i was like it was would send you like fucking meats and vegetables and stuff and like that's great like it sent me all the right kind of bougie stuff but then it had it always and this is like so true about every company today it always has to overlay this like this narrative aspect of like a storytelling aspect that i'm i'm convinced no one in like a really no one cares libidinal way i don't think anyone really wants to talk about storytelling. I don't think there's a single person on this planet who is actually interested in, like, what is my narrative, and how can I tell the narrative with Shard? Let me tell you something, John. Unfortunately, I'm in a lot of meetings where storytelling is a big discussion, and people get paid a lot of money. But it's only in meetings. It's only in meetings. I don't think people want it. This is how I feel about sustainability. I feel like people love to talk about it, but if people like something, but it ain't great for the environment, they're still buying it. Totally. Vitacoco? Really? Okay, so let me explain. Was that free? It better be free. You have some splatings to do. That's a tall one. Oh, a 33.8. It's bigger than my head. Oh, my God. There's no way this is bigger than your head. Let me take a screenshot of that. There we go. How tall are you again, Jason?

For me? Mm-hmm. Six foot nine, six ten on a good day. I started – we have to get back to restaurants, by the way. I'm just worried about – I thought you were doing pretty well, and you're showing me some things that make me concerned. This is expensive, bitch. Bro, we only drink Harmless Harvest. Harmless Harvest is too sweet, bitch. It is way too sweet. I hate Harmless Harvest. I hate it. Vitacoco tastes like sweat from behind a man's knee. And that's how you know it's good, bitch. I think it's like muted and subtle, like sweat behind a man's knee. Muted and subtle. Depending on the fellow. that the knee's attached to it no i i kind of agree with you john the harmless harvest i drink it as it's like when i have like a mexican coke it's like a treat not every day as a special treat for me kind of no this is so i we're not going to get into it not because i it's sensitive just because it's boring but i literally have had two back surgeries in this in the same year like micro discectories or for herniated disc what kind of pill what kind of pills you got uh well gabapentin for the nerve damage And for a while, you know, I had the surgery May 10th, so I've run out, but I had hydrocodone. Are you addicted yet or are you good? No, I actually did a pretty good job. Like, it wasn't hard for me to taper off. That's good. Which is shocking. Have you been pain relieving with some flour instead? Yeah. Although I will say, like, let's be real. My primary drug is cold brew, which I just had. That's why I'm saying let's be real. The weed actually really heightens the pain, unfortunately. It makes me really aware. It makes you go face-to-face with your pain. Yeah, and so I still do it. But every night that I do it, which is every night, I am like, oh, God. I have to really feel it. You have to fight the dragon inside of you every time you pop. Yes.

i think that'll be i think you'll get over the pain and get through it faster that way by fighting the dry i think that's a really good point the hydrocodone just just swipe swipes the pain underneath the rug for another day absolutely and and mother indica takes care of it very quickly it's gonna hurt though so you're saying that that's the sag insurance is pretty good then it is really good sorry about the double back surgery was it something that was there a freak accident or is it just a random thing woke up one day being gay my shit Being gay. We drink cold brew, flat and straight. The only thing I drink straight is nitro cold brew, and we herniate our discs, getting our back... Getting railed. Oh, oh, oh, I forgot what I was talking about. Okay, so yes, no, I did know. It's literally just what you said. It's just like I woke up one day with raging sciatica. I slept on a couch in 2016, woke up with horrifying sciatica, ignored it for a year. And then like someone was like, my friend was walking with me and she was like, you're limping. And I was like, uh-oh. And then I finally got an MRI and it was like an extremely large herniation. I had surgery and then I had, and then it, you know, I just didn't, I was young. I was young and I didn't really like, I was like, oh, that was, I recovered from that so quickly. And then I just like never thought about it. Didn't make any sort of changes physically, you know? And then like in November, my like foot started going numb. and i was like really oh yeah it was terrifying it's really gnarly dude this stuff is really bad it's like really bad insurmountable pain yeah let's let's talk about your footwear choices because i feel like okay that could be playing a part in this and if you well i it does and i need help you guys because i have no interest similar to like narratives i have no interest in footwear and i wear these fucking nikes i got from search party season five or four honestly or literally three they're so old okay so i don't i just need to like i really need to take care of my feet what should i do i mean i was hoping you were going to be like yeah i just can't stop wearing my saint laurent cuban heels but they're destroying me but you're saying that you have what about a hoka maybe yeah i feel like hoka is your best bet for this i don't know what that is hokas are a very thick sold

cushy running shoe, which is probably good for you. H-O-K-A. They're available in an assortment of styles. You can get a plain all black or you get some ugly baby blue and green shit. Yeah, they make all the ugly colors as well as the plain colors. Maybe check out, there's a company called Upstep that does custom bespoke insoles that are molded by your foot. They send a thing to your house, you step into it, they take a mold of it, and they build a custom insole that you put in your shoes. So you never have to interface with a worker. That's right. It's a robot-based business. One of those stinky people. You should also just get a classic pair of New Balance 993s. Those are the original comfortable shoes. And I love the love. They're the original. Call me. Maybe I'm still. When you're hopping out of the Tesla and the 993 kind of flashes. I'll have what he's having. That feels right for you. Thank you. That really is sweet. By the way, the reason I was telling you guys is because I like. after the surgery i was in such a kind of like indulgent understandably just kind of like i will i will have whatever in my house helps me hydrate and so i got in this habit of just like ordering these in bulk okay and just chugging one every day because it's so much more interesting to me than water it is interesting i have some bad news for you though oh no i have some kidney stones No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I just, I think that coconut water, although it tastes good, there are some downsides. What? I believe like it's sister oat milk, it's a little bit more caloric than we want to let on. It's got a lot of sugar in it, obviously, that'll turn into calories inside of that bond. Serving size, eight fluid ounces. There are four servings. I'm assuming you're not just doing the eight. Ten grams of sugars. Okay, so that's 40 grams of sugar in each one of those long necks. Cool. Maybe this is what you should do. This is what I do. I'll get an 8-ounce glass of water, do like a liquid IV hydration powder into it. It gives everything you need.

And you don't have to fill up with that bulky water weight, you know? Yeah. Or coconut water weight. Yeah. I mean, I've had, like, Kate gave me a really fan, you know, because she has a podcast called Pug. And she really, they send, she gets sent just everything constantly. It's like, and she got sent this, like, electrolyte. powder that was like really fancy like you know like chili lime you know like i mean even that sounds like more crass than what the flavors were they were like shockingly refined yeah and i was stunned it was really good dragon fruit and turmeric literally we uh we that's the thing that we talk about on this show a lot of like people who get sent shit all the time and like the over under of stuff that you actually want versus stuff that is just instant trash yeah and then like how you manage that what you do with it do you move it into a pile that sits there for two months and then you just close your eyes and throw it away do you give it to the cleaning person right uh uh you know your shitty uncle what are you doing with all your free shit john no one sends me free shit really i'm not kidding nothing y'all think i live this glamorous life but i'm just like you Well, we get sent a lot of shit, so you're not just like us. Yeah, I bet you do. Yeah, podcasting is how you get it, because it didn't start for Kate Till Pook. Yeah, we were talking about this last night. We went to an event, and even though we're not famous like you guys are, we have a small following on social media, but because we have an outlet to talk about products specifically, we will get sent a lot of things and be invited to a lot of things that we don't necessarily deserve to be receiving. Well, no one deserves it. Jason has imposter syndrome. I will take all the ugly streetwear and skincare products that you're willing to send me, and I will put them in the trash or on StockX. That's just an understood kind of baseline where we're at with it. And if the good stuff does trickle through, like my Tom of Finland pop socket, I will use it. What is a pop socket? It's the thing that you put on the back of your phone, and it goes...

So you can hold it. You've seen those before. You have a Tom of Finland one? Are you worried about people thinking you're gay? We went to a Tom of Finland event last night. No way. Chris would have bought it. Jason, were we the only straight people there? We were the only straight people there. If y'all were in a different mood, you would have cleaned up. A different mood. I honestly don't think anybody was interested in us, if I'm being honest. Really? That's wrong, Chris. I had three or four older fellas. Like one guy was like, I want to see how big your dick is. Well, yeah, but that's just regular chat. That's just regular chat. That seems a little forward. Tom of Finland is literally an erotic art brand. It's a penis brand. Like that's what it is. Like how could they not talk about it? What do you guys do? We're a penis brand. No, I mean it's just – From the side, from the top. And no one can say, Orville Peck, show me your hog. You know what I mean? They've got to be a little more careful. You're an easy victim. Just because he's masked? Well, because he's a little more well-known, let's say. You know what I mean? So you don't want to offend him when it's a brand. Was he there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. And just truly masked. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we sat at table with him. I was sitting right next to him. You're kidding me. Did he eat? Yeah. The mask stops at the mouth. It's actually genius. Oh, OK. OK. I thought it was a full. Yeah, it has a feeding hole that you can use for all types of foods and things that you want to put in there. It's so weird because sitting next to a guy for two and a half hours who's got a mask and a cowboy hat on somehow didn't feel weird at all. God. So are you an Orville Stan? Are you a pecker? I've never heard a damn song. I'm so out of touch. Nobody has, honey. We're not talking about the music. But is he, I'm like, I feel like I've heard he's really hot. I have heard that. That, like, underneath the mask, he's... Underneath it all, he is a good-looking guy, yeah. You can tell he's good-looking. But, you know, he's a tatted-up, like, you know, skinny white guy. If that's your type, checks all my boxes. Well, I know it's your type because you live in Silver Lake, so it seems it should be fine for you. Yeah.

No, that's my type. Yeah, John, are you in a relationship? Yes. Okay. But is it an open one? Or are you committed like that? Or do you not want to talk about it? I'm literally like, how do I? It's literally like I would. My mom is. literally has a Google order and will listen. Okay, okay. And I can be as vulgar as I want to be, but something about going into the kind of sexual dynamics feels. It would make Thanksgiving a little bit uncomfortable this year back in Nashville. Yeah. But even though your mom gets all these Google notifications, does she go in and listen? Because you've probably done 20 podcasts in the last month. Is she going to go listen to all of them? All of them. When I tell you. Hi, Mom. My mom is kind of the same way. She won't say it, but she will consume all the content that exists. So is this like a she's your biggest fan kind of vibe? It's really sweet. Will she play dumb and be like, what's a podcast? I've never heard of those before. No, she tells me that she listens to them. The other day, she told me that she listened to one. I was like, Mom, I'm... I'm going on so many right now. This is different. Okay, this is different. We're going to get into that. This happened organically. We're going to get into that. Was this arranged by a publicist? No. That's right. We don't like to go through publicists here at How Long Gone. We like a personal connection with the artist. Thank you for calling me an artist. I sent a personal direct message to you, John. I know, exactly. We'll get into that later, don't worry. Yeah, and what are you drinking? I mean, I just have to ask. I'm drinking a smoothie. Post-gym smoothie. Cool. Yeah, my mom, no, she's a fan. No, she listened to one the other day, and I was like, just please don't, because there is such a just generic kind of podcast format, obviously, especially with comedians, where it's like, you just go into the personal narrative, and you go,

what is it about your childhood that made you want to be funny? Don't talk about Mark Maron like that. That's kind of Jason's North Star, so I don't want you to attack him on the show. John, who are you guys? Who are you guys, John? John, who are you guys? You like John Cale, right, man? Bill Hicks. No, but I mean, it is like... that is i mean he did kind of you know in some ways i guess popularize i don't want to say create that form he popularized it and now everyone is doing the most kind of watered down version of it and i wasn't it a nightmare and and you just you know you just kind of you just turn off and you just go my parents you know i was gay but it was fine you know like and then and it's like and i'm just i feel so sometimes i end up just going to this kind of rote yeah for sure how could you not um telling of my childhood and my and they people ask about my parents and stuff and i think it was very uncomfortable for my mom at first when she started hearing that understandably yeah and like i and so i just i sometimes i it drives me crazy i'm like you cannot just don't listen to it because i i don't even know what i said i don't know what i said and i'm sorry and it's basically i just feel bad yeah it's very tough to explain to your parents that like yeah yeah no i i all this stuff is my job and i don't it's but it's not really my job at the same time like it's a part of it you know and and they don't understand that everything doesn't matter yeah it doesn't matter it doesn't matter especially if you have a google i feel bad for for people that go on podcasts and it's it really feels like homework or like like labor for the guests where it's like thank you so much for coming on the show Tell me your life story. Right. I know. No, but that's like one thing that we started with this podcast. We always wanted to just be entertaining and easy for the guests, and that's like the top priority. Well, you're killing it so far. I don't listen to a lot of podcasts. Jason does, and I listened to one yesterday for the first time in a while.

And it was somebody sent me a bunch of podcasts that Sofia Coppola had been on because I'm a big fan. So I'm like, all right, let me listen. Let me listen to some. Throw some of those in the spank bank. WGA writers podcast, you know, because I heard it was good. Whoa. Oh, my God. It was awful. It was insane. Oh, my God. It was like, what were you thinking about when you wrote this movie? Oh, interesting. What is your process for writing? It's like, bitch, it's Sofia Coppola. You know what she does. She goes to a beautiful house somewhere in France and she writes the movie and she makes the movie. It's like, we know what she does. What was I watching last night? Or maybe it was... God, this will sound so pretentious. Especially because I'm on a real big kind of blockbuster kick right now. But I ended up watching... You know, my boyfriend is a painter. and we watched this like he went he really likes francis bacon and we and there was a movie about francis bacon and so we watched it and this is okay see i hate myself but whatever the things we do for love john and by the way i just want to be clear like it wasn't all like highbrow kind of desire like it literally craig um craig who the fuck craig bond bond oh daniel craig oh daniel craig daniel craig's flaccid Ding dong, isn't it? And it's big. Does he play bacon? He plays his boyfriend. Oh, so Bacon was getting dicked down by a good one. Yes. So Daniel Craig's soft was large is what you're saying. Soft was large. It was wild. It was wild. You're from – hey, no, hold on. You're from Hollywood. You think it's – Good for him. You think it was all real? You don't think this is – It was completely real because this is like a weird British late 90s like art house movie. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. They didn't have the budget for prosthetics. Yeah, okay. It was a small, sweet movie. Daniel Craig doesn't seem like that though. I'm still – smelling prosthesis here i promise you i mean i don't know it was but it did i really don't think it was i don't think it was okay he wouldn't do that he wouldn't do that not not then and not now not ever do that but there was an inter in that movie there was a scene there was like a little interview like a kind of you know 50s or 60s like just

television interview it's like so i don't know like the set was so beautiful they were like in little eames chairs you know and the questions were so good like i don't know it just it's it's we've it's really they're smoking cigarettes and talking about interesting yeah and it's it's it's not as visually crass as like podcast visual content is like too it's like it was like actually kind of beautiful to watch and i just really was like God, wouldn't it be so cool if someone wanted to be good at this? Which you guys are. I want to be clear. RIP to Glenn O'Brien. But he had this weird show called Tea at the Beatrice with Glenn O'Brien. And it was on some weird network you could watch on Apple TV. And it would literally be him and a legend of some sort at the Beatrice. And it was so beautiful. It was a restaurant, and they would just talk. And I'm like, that's what – no podcast looks like that. What kind of legend are we talking about? Like Pink? Or like Alicia Moore. For like Fran Leibovitz or like, or Duncan Hannah, like New York kind of like, or he would have, he might've had Anna Wintour to be honest, like at some point, but like if you can see, you can find it, but it was like a weird thing. And I'm like, why do all podcasts look like a guy in a garage with like a bike behind him and like a fat friend and a monitor. Can of liquid death. Yeah. Like it doesn't have to look like that. Like, you know what I mean? It doesn't have to look like that. It's just so hard not to succumb to the convenience. I mean, But someone should take the mantle. I think it's up for the taking. If you can introduce us to some of your little friends over at Netflix, maybe we could do that. But right now, it's not looking great for us. You don't mind helping out. Okay. Those are my friends. Chris, his friends are at Peacock right now, Chris. Yeah, exactly. Netflix didn't want anything to do with my ass. I'll take Peacock. I don't give a shit. Does Peacock have like a 30-day trial situation? Because I'm going to have to subscribe just for you. Can you give us your login? Literally, yes. Right after this, I will. No, you wouldn't. I mean, I want to pay, but I don't want to be... I guess I'm not Peacock material is what I'm saying, you know? Yeah. I mean, they're...

I think there is a free trial. Okay. There's got to be a free trial. It would be strange if it wasn't. I think I subscribed to Peacock because I believe they did the real world reunion. No, sweetie. Like the new real worlds. That's not them? Oh, my bad. Wrong P. So you're on a bunch of TV shows and you just don't – you don't give a shit where they go. I mean – You can't. You have no control. There's no curation of one's career in the streaming wars. Who's winning the streaming wars? You guys or us, the viewer? I've never thought about that as the side. I think the streamers are losing. I disagree. I think you're winning. You get checks. To do these shows? No, you're right. We have to spend money to watch garbage. Garbage. Except for the new Snowflake show on Netflix. That's something you've got to watch. Oh, really? It's a streamer's market. It's not, but the problem is, it's like the newsletter. We've reverse engineered cable, and now we're paying more for it. I know. It's... So insane. I hate it so much. I bet your subscription bill, I bet your Amex bill, we're looking at $200 a month on subbies, minimum. And people are still on top of that paying for cable. Yeah, because cable's cool. Streaming sucks. Yeah, streaming sucks. It sucks. Do you miss a commercial? Yes. I think commercials are coming back. I think so. commercials are like soothing now like because it reminds me of having someone make choices for me like not just my parents but um you know like like actual like i don't know it's it's so i just sometimes it's this is a well-tread topic but i just cannot believe after you've had to after you choose between 92 apps you get into that app and then you have to choose between three million movies and sometimes you get into the app and you have to within the app choose between all the different extensions like i cannot believe that like within prime there's like showtime like or like the hulu like the hbo max extension my tubi plus what's tubi

I don't know. It's a streamer. It's not Mubi? I thought there was a T-U-B-I. I could be wrong. Jason, if you think Jason's watching shit on Mubi, John, you got him fucked up, dog. Tubi is an American content platform, okay? I'm also an American content platform. That's my new bio. So you have your three million movies to select from, and then you also have to find a movie that you and your boyfriend want to watch. So once you finally pick out the perfect film, your partner is like, I'm watching Friends. Right, right, right, yeah. Or it's just like midnight once you've chosen, and you can't. This is my life constantly. It's everyone's night. All we do is argue about what to watch, and then I want to watch the worst shit possible. It feels easier. Because that's what I actually like. That's the real me. I don't want to commit to a TV program. It's loser shit. I do think TV's over. I actually think that we've had several waves, obviously, of the golden age of television. For the viewers at home, I couldn't be using quotes. I literally cramped both fingers from using quotes. We're also in this, like, kind of, right now we're in, like, the last, like, the dying gasp of the Golden Age. It's, like, a total fake Golden Age where, like, the streaming, because of the streaming wars, where, like, just there's, like, 92. That's not, that's, like, literally, I was trying to use a big number. It couldn't be lower. I mean, it couldn't be more incorrect. There are so many, like, just lawless TV shows right now. I do sense – I don't think it's just me. I do sense that there is a real fatigue culturally, and I think it is why movies like Top Gun – I mean, Top Gun, I do – we don't have to talk about Top Gun. But I do think there are some big movie hits right now. We can brush on it. We can buzz the tower. We've talked about it. We've talked about it a lot on this because I love America, and that's kind of – I love America. So I'm pretty – psyched that it did well, even though I'm not going to see it in theaters because I don't care. You haven't seen it? No, hell no. I used to see movies in New York because I would go alone to Angelica and it was like a thing. That's like the number one reason I want to move back to New York. I'm not going to I pick in Pasadena to have a hot dog and a martini. I'm all set. Don't sleep on the caramel corn. They make it with the leftover popcorn. I went to see

elvis which i fucking loved jealous jealous i loved it i went to see it a couple nights ago at this place specifically because it had reclining seats for my back okay and i was like okay and they like you know they serve you food or whatever kind of expecting it to be like nighthawk yeah you know or alamo where it's like you know no bro you're getting nachos chief you're courtside yeah exactly exactly it was fully like The experience of getting, because I get in my seat, there's a little fucking plastic QR code. I'm like, it took 90 minutes, it's my only number right now, it's in the 90s, to actually get the fucking photo thing on the QR code, and then it opened it in a Safari browser, and I literally was just trying to order water. And I literally asked, I kept flagging people down, I'm like, we just want water. And they were like, oh, you do it, you order it through here. And I was like, it's four cents. They're asking me to sign up. and put in my credit card information in a safari browser on my iphone for four cents i was like this is it was what what theater is this john it's called uh look look in look cinemas dine in look dine in okay something like that but um it was hell what was it was in glendale or something it was in glendale okay is that where we went to is that where we went to see the oasis movie jason There's a bunch of those kind of small theaters that have food programs and reclames. Look, I hate food. We're on record with that. But I also think that it's just like there's no reason. I mean, movies are too fucking long. I think that's why they're offering nachos. Because Austin Butler isn't getting shirtless until 2.45. And this thing's going for 3.15. He doesn't need to get shirtless, honey. He had me for a moment. Because he's a legendary Hollywood stick man. Put that tongue back in your mouth, John. We respect. But do you – because his off-duty look, he's like the – I drive an old Bronco. I wear Carhartts and boots. But I live in Beverly Hills and it's 100 degrees. Don't love it. But he's so hot. But he's so hot. It doesn't matter. He's so hot. And he just did such a good job. He just broke my heart. He made me – I mean I'm Elvis crazy right now.

Really? Like the movie did exactly what it needed to do. I'm like, I cannot stop watching footage of Elvis. I'm like, I'm in love with Elvis. It turned you into a little hound dog, didn't it? Yeah. So you called your manager, said, let's get the plane at Van Nuys gassed up. I'm going to Memphis. I got to see it. I got to check in. I literally grew up, you know, two and a half hours away from Memphis. I never went to Graceland. And now I'm like planning a trip with my mom because of the movie. I haven't been to Graceland either. Have you been to Dollyworld? Yeah. Wood. Yeah, Dolly Wood. Yeah, Jason, come on. Dolly Wood, sorry. You passed the first? Austin Butler, did he get lip injections, or is that real? I... really think i'm good at spotting that and i don't think he did because he's looking on the billboards those lips are looking pouty yeah well there's something's happening i think he naturally has big lips they're doing some sort of contouring yeah with the nose a little bit there's like a darker makeup right here and then there's like maybe tiny little prosthetic jawline stuff to make him look wider wider and um the king had a wide face so i think maybe that's causing a thing i just i i do want to see it i do want to see it does it show him dying on the toilet at the end um no it doesn't and i wondered i wondered as that was like being glossed over if that was a mistake and then they stuck the landing so hard with the ending and i was like we didn't need it there's like a brilliant touch at the very end where it's like any sort of kind of like the tragedy of elvis like like They did so economically with this one final shot. It was so beautiful. I loved it. Who is the chick in this? Who's the love interest? Priscilla. Yeah, who plays Priscilla? Olivia. I don't know how to say her last name. Dijon or something. She's in the staircase. Oh, okay. She plays the daughter who defects. The real daughter of Kathleen.

which when I, I've only seen like an episode and a half of that. And I, I love the original staircase documentary so much, but like that girl was so kind of in real life was so just like normal. And so I was like, what is this like skinny little thing doing in this thing? I was like, no, you've, you've, but like, she really. I honestly loved her, Priscilla. She was so... Damn, you really are Elvis Pill. This motherfucker is about to have a... I'm Elvis Pill. You're about to have a peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich for lunch, aren't you? Yes. We didn't talk about... We got to get your restaurants. I'm sorry. Back to food. How much time do we have? I'm so scared of this ending. I understand. We have that effect on our guests. You're going to stick it. Don't worry. You're going to stick it. You're like a gymnast at the Olympics. So what are we cooking out of Andy Bargani's book this weekend, John? Oh, my God. Literally nothing. i refuse are you guys are you guys enemies no no we're not i just you know i don't know there's something john's a good american he's not cooking persian food for july 4th hey i love persian food careful um uh what am i that's a really good okay what am i cooking for for the july have we agreed i mean this is so embarrassing smash burgers that's fine i couldn't be more bon appetit but like i literally Have made them. I will admit on your fucking show that I did use the Bon Appetit recipe. Okay. So you're smashing in the cast iron? Yeah. Does your spatula have some horsepower to it? Some good weight to it? Well, this is what's so hard is like when you smash and you don't have a flat griddle, you're hitting the edge of the pan and you can't get a really flat smash. That is an issue. No, I don't have a good spatula for it. So we don't have the Viking plancha installed yet in Silver Lake? I don't even know what that is, Queen. That's like a flat-top grill. They'll call it a plancha. Oh, oh. A la plancha. Jason has this in his house. He's trying to flex. It came with the house. No, no, no. It's not Viking. But you do have the restaurant-style grill. Wow.

That you can put over your burners? It's in addition to the burners. It's four burners, and then in the middle, there's a flat-top grill, and then also a regular grill grill, like a barbecue grill. Yeah, I don't have that. Okay, so smash burgers. Yeah, I'm embarrassed that I'm doing that. Protein style? Potato buns. Is there a potato salad? Potato chips? So my boyfriend is really, really good at making, like, scuffed up potatoes that you know how like the burger king fries bro don't talk about don't talk about potatoes like they're my air force ones after night at the club scruffed up potatoes yeah what the fuck are you talking about give me a fucking second and i'll tell you okay so the you know how burger king fries have that texture McDonald's fries are flat as hell. Burger King fries are something grainy about them. That's because they're scuffing up the potato before they fry it. Literally, if you take the potatoes and you toss them in a colander, the holes in the colander scuff up the sides. It's such a nice texture. You're creating some peaks and valleys and some... Yes, so extra crisp. Promoting the crags, as it were. Yes. craggy is such a bon appetit word have you noticed guilty i mean honey we all are but you know i'm obsessed with bon appetit language right oh really lemony garlicky jammy it's like my number one pet peeve and yet i fully lemony garlicky fries can i can i ask who who is like is there one singular voice from the cursed bon appetit that is held responsible for this kind of perverse language they all i mean they kind of all of them it's all of them so it's an editorial decision yeah top down yeah it's top down okay uh but yeah we'll make those potatoes oh and he's gonna cook them i don't want to fucking intimidate you guys but he's gonna cook them in duck fat okay so he's cooking them in duck fat ideally he rendered this himself or is it store bought from utile

It's from Cookbook. Cookbook. Highland Park, I hope. No, Queen. Echo. Echo's cute for you guys. That place is so fucked up, man. Wait, why? I mean, of course I know why, but I want to hear about your experience there because I'm so forgiving. I mean, I don't cook at all. I have no interest in it. I'm obsessed with Cookbook. And I like it because I know the product is good and all my friends that know what's up are like the product is good, but it's just like any place that during COVID was one in, one out, You're off my list. I just hate it. It's not every place, though. You can't really... No, it's not. It really isn't. It was worse in Highland Park than anywhere. The cookbook is physically so small. Sorry, Highland Park, that's rude, because that's big. They could have let more people in. The Echo Park one is truly so tiny, and so I kind of understood. I was compliant. No, actually, I agree with you, Chris, because Proof Bakery in Atwater, I'm sure John knows, during quarantine, they turned into a narky situation like that. And the line was so long. Yeah, I'm good. I don't want your croissant, bitch. I've never seen you like this. If you start talking about lines, Chris gets hot. Okay, smash burgers, fries. That's wonderful. Yeah, and there'll be some sort of bright vegetable option as well. Is there a scenario that we could cook together sometime? I would love that. With like a chuggable chilled red? Okay, here's the thing. I fucking love chilled red. I don't like chuggable. I do not like juicy natural wine. I don't like juicy wine at all. It's like ocean spray. I'm not five. Yeah, A, I'm not five. I need some complexity. I'm noticing. It costs something. A trend now. the orange is over and the chilled red has taken over as a bystander there's orange there's absolutely orange fatigue yeah yeah 100 there's like a turn there's a there's a reaction we're going back to the old world i can sense it in my bones you know yeah does that mean you're gonna yeah i was gonna ask are you gonna order a full-bodied merlot next time we're at a steakhouse or like isn't that so funny when you get like a non-natural wine now and it actually tastes like

sensational yes you just it's like it's the best like somebody who like follows rules and uh and like lessons yeah of through hundreds of years yeah all this thought into a wine and of course it tastes good versus like here's my fucking fucked up project yeah it's 50 yeah and i drew on it with the sharpie and it's a flower random damn jason i thought i thought you and warheim were that's crazy that's crazy dude that's crazy war his his wines are good they don't taste like apple cider vinegar like everyone everyone yeah yeah i mean i do that's the thing like again as much as i hate the lemony garkly jammy i do love one of t As much as I make fun of natural wine, I love natural wine. Of course. I think that's probably the point of this podcast, I imagine. That's right. I'm learning in real time. A little bit, yeah. I didn't even realize that either, but we have to realize how dumb our crutches, our vices, our interests are, and we can make fun of them and still enjoy them at the same time. There is a book out right now that they're selling. One of my favorite things about L.A. is that there are like... Uh-oh. Uh-oh! My computer's falling. In East L.A., there are, like, 92 Mediterranean restaurants run by white women. Are you talking about, like, Kismet? Yes, Adore. We continue to stand and support. But, like, it's like right when I got to L.A. in 2016, I felt like that was, like, the moment of the Mediterranean restaurant. Have you been to Dune? Honey, I had it two nights ago. I love Dune. There's Dune. There's Botanica. There's Kismet. There was Muzza. There's Bevel. I mean, it goes on and on. Muzza had some very garlicky, lemony potatoes over the hummus bling. Remember that? There was a hummus dish that was called hummus bling bling or something. I was like, no! Like, no one. Like, just hummus. It's hummus. I'm coming for these restaurants because on multiple menus,

I will not name the establishments, but at one point, I don't know if it's still there, it literally said, in describing a dish, it was like, all the root vegetables. And I was like, burn it all down. You reminded me when you see a menu, and it'll say, this dish is served with Stephanie's... sauce like we all know like stephanie like the fourth line cook in the kitchen like like with like rick's aioli so rude yeah bro rick don't do that bro please be straightforward he just yeah he has some substance abuse i just trust that rick substance abuse problems he's been going through some stuff like don't do that dude don't do that it's probably a reference to rick's produce if i'm being honest and this is why john gets me He gets my dog whistles. I was literally told about a new Mediterranean restaurant just the other day. What is it? That took over the old Five Leaves space. Oh, yeah. That's from the people who brought you Bavelle. Really? Bavelle's good. Yeah, it's called Steffi's or Sunny's. Then, of course, I go on Resi. I'm like, let me check this shit out. I'm like, okay, well. Booked for years. It looks like an editorial on Clever.com. You can't get a reservation for six months. I'm all set. Your hummus is not any better than their hummus. What's the aesthetic? What's the interior? Torched. Wait, what? Torched. Like bubbly furniture type shit, I think. Bubbly furniture? What is that? What's it called, Jason? Steffi's? I think it might be... I don't know if it's Sonny's or Steffy's or something like that. I think it's Steffy's. I have sunny tahini on the brain. That's a little too caloric for me too, Chief. Watch yourself. Have you had that tahini, John? Yes, I think I have it literally in my fridge. I'm horrified to say. They have a zine, a cookbook zine that just came out. It features one of my recipes. You can pick it up locally if you guys want. Excuse me? What do you mean one of your recipes? They sent me some of this tahini and they said...

Do you write a recipe for our magazine? And I did. What did you do? It's a beef tartare with Japanese flavors. Are you fucking with me? No, not at all. Is there yuzu or what? I think there's shiso, rice vinegar. I actually don't even remember exactly. Oh, not shiso. Not shiso, bro. You went off, dog. That's my man. Because tahini leans Middle Eastern, but it's also the sesame. That brand is good. Our friends in Japan love a sesame. That brand is good, and I feel like that. needed to be disrupted you know what i mean i'm sick i'm sick of seeing regular ass tahinis on the shelves i need to see tahini with merch exactly if i if my tahini doesn't have a long sleeve Shirt and online ceramics. Yeah, I'm going for hummus. Yeah, the Sadoff brand tahini at Ralph's. There's no Nalgene available, and I'm wondering what the point is. Why would I buy this if I can't get the socks? There's no bucket hat on the website. You're saying the socks are sold out, or are you saying they were never created? The tahini socks are sold out now, yeah. Wait, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, I brought up the Mediterranean craze, which is that I was at one of them. Again, we'll not say who. And there was, you know, because all these places during COVID also became little markets. Of course. As we know. Flatbreads over there. Do you have any Ghia that's cold? Do you have preserved lemons that are $62? But it was a book. There was a book called You Had Me at Pet Nat. Oh, no. And I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm like, I want yellowtail. No, not yellowtail. Is it called yellowtail? Yeah, exactly. With a curious kangaroo on it? Nothing over $9 is going in my mouth. John turned the Tesla around. He said, I'm driving all the way to Florida to a Publix to get a 32-ounce yellowtail. I'm not dealing with these fucking losers anymore. Exactly. I was like, it's cupcake or a wok. As a non-drinker, I go to these wine stores.

to buy wine as a guest, you know what I mean, or for my chick. What a great guest. They're always like, the only place I like is Domain because they don't disrespect me, but I was at like Wine and Eggs, and I was like, yeah, I need like a wine for a party tonight. I don't drink, so kind of just like... whatever you think is is cool or whatever and they just looked at me like i was the biggest fucking idiot loser and i'm like i i don't i i'm saying you can do whatever you want and i'll give you the money for the product and i'll leave yeah what is the what is the misunderstanding here i've heard that they prescribe wine at that place based on the label completely they're like i just i just pick out whichever wine they don't know it's like the coolest looking label yeah that's why i have to that's why i have to only go to domain you know that's they respect me there and i respect them what about psychic that's too far for me and the tote bag is passe oh my god okay okay i said it i said psychic is a little like armpit hair unshowered but in a way that i like it's it's good i i that's the only place i experience where i actually like i say i you know i i say my like three words Do you have an example? Choking. Mormon. I'm kidding. No, I say, like, I say, I mean, don't be mad, but I say savory. No offense taken. Because it makes sense to me. I don't know. Like, I don't really, I guess, know what it means, but I just mean not sweet and, like, kind of, like, complex or, like, you know, I don't know. Like, so I say savory sometimes, and this is really embarrassing. I say wild. Because I just want something that's going to shock me. I don't want some safe ass wine. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. How many bottles are you buying? If you're saying wild, I think you're... I'm going to guess you're buying six to 12 bottles at one time, and you only want a couple of those to be wild, not the whole case. I want two of them to make me go cross-eyed on the first sip. Your other ones can be more sensible selection. I would prefer if they paired with kind of a light fish if possible, but the wild ones go crazy, guys. No, I always want wild, and I get one.

One or two. Even I buy three bottles of wine at a time. If I'm going to go all the way to a wine store. That's a really good point, actually. I'm buying three bottles, minimum. That's so smart. I don't know why I don't do that. Because then I have them at the house. We need to go somewhere. People come over. Well, that's the problem. If I have it in the house. I should probably buy my cigarettes by the carton as well, Chris. I honestly think that. I don't know. I honestly think that. But that, to my point, is you feel like. Oh my God, what am I doing? I'm buying a dozen bottles of wine. It's my life where it needs to be. At your advanced age, Jason, the reality is you're not going to take down a pack just because they're sitting there. You have restraint. You've been smoking for a long time. Way to weave in my age into this. No, I'm saying they never set your age, sweetie. If you can't keep... I mean, look, as a person who knows, I can't keep some stuff in the house. It's like you've got to know your limits. Yeah, I think you could cop a carton at the duty-free. My life partner will love that. Oh, we're doing cartons now. Okay. I thought we agreed that smoking is hot. When it's on her time and on her terms. I understand. So if the guy from Shameless, Jeremy whatever his name is, is smoking it, then yeah, let's do a whole pack a day. Oh, who's now in the bear or whatever? Who's now in the bear. We were talking about this on the last episode. Are you also Jeremy Pilled? Yeah, Jeremy Allen White. Is his name. Is that his name? I'm only Jeremy Pilled from like maybe six years ago when I accidentally watched an episode of Shameless. When he was 12 and you're like, yeah. No. Sign me up. No, but I was like, he's good. The bear is really good. He's really good in it. But there's been a new discovery where all chicks are like. Damn, I would love him. I love him even though he's 5'7". Oh. But he's an actor. Every actor is 5'7", right, John? Yeah, they're just on an apple box. We need an apple. Half apple. John, you're what, 6'2", 6'3"? I'm 5'10". Okay, well, it's better than 5'7". You read taller, though. Really? Yeah. That's crazy to me. I feel like I read short on camera. But I'm doing this kind of spinal Alexander technique.

lessons so you're lengthening well i wonder i wonder because it is you know obviously all about lengthening to get the pressure off the goddamn disc yeah yeah and like i just i am like doing it you know every damn day and i'm like am i what if i gain an inch that'll that'll that'll probably work that's the thing that i've been thinking lately as well i've been doing a lot of that same stuff and i i like when i because like doorways are six six eight so i've always had to duck under a doorway like a standard doorway i'm just looking at my door and imagining you and i'm like oh my god that's crazy it's true but but now but when after i do my my lengthening and strengthening exercises i feel like Yeah. The door is closer to my eye than the top of my head. I think that stuff absolutely works, guys. I think it absolutely works. And there might be a little placebo, but I think that's fine. It might make your shoulders go back a little bit. Yeah. Do you ever do like hangs? Like where you grab onto like a pull-up bar and just hang for 60 seconds? That's probably one of the best things you can do. I did that for a while, but I'm still too sensitive since like I had the one surgery in November, one surgery in May. And it's just too like. fucked up and like right we're moving slow we're moving real slow honey too slow for my taste but i have to no that's good i mean no no you have to yeah you'll you'll be there the next time we podcast you will be fully healed you'll be doing six two somersaults yeah yeah full gainers it's really i have to say like the the elvis movie made me emotional for many reasons one of them was i was genuinely like oh my god i have to get back like i have to like i have to get better so i can like dance on stage yeah i really was like it was really sad i was really scared watching it i was like this is i can't that part of my life can't be over oh it's not over you got no you just have to do your pt smoke your grass drink your second tier coconut water and you'll be back in no time i am so this is so funny that i learned on this podcast i'm literally having dessert all day long yeah you're having three cactus coolers

every time you drink one of those. Yeah, you might as well just have a nice chocolate chip cookie with a little Maldon on it. Smoked Maldon. All right, John. This sucks. We did it. We potted. I know you don't want it to be over, right? I don't want it to be over. Wait, let me just quickly ask Chris, how tall are you? 6'4". What the fuck, you guys? I know. When did you get tall? When did the first, the real spurt happen? When I was five. Yeah, right. Oh, were you really, Jason? I didn't know that. What do you mean? No, when I was in first grade, I was the tallest person in the class by a country mile, y'all. Wow. And then I continued to grow. Even into my 20s, I grew a few inches. I feel like high school, maybe, for me. I feel like it was a little later. I was always taller, but I think it really hit a little later, like ninth grade, maybe. That's crazy, y'all. Yeah, so we're just a couple of tall podcasters, that's all. And you're both in LA? Mm-hmm. He's in WeHo. I'm in Glendale. I'll see you soon, bitch. We hope to see you soon, John. I'll see you. You know what? We never talk restaurants, and I'll just say this. This is the only thing I'll say. I'll see you at Jar. Wow. Okay. We'll hit Jar. I've never been, John. I want to go. We are going together. Okay. We'll go to Jar. Okay. Have you been to Jar, Chris? I'm pointing it. You have no idea which square you're in. I've been to Jar. I've been to Jar because it's kind of – I don't know why, but I feel like it's like a – legendary like successful gay restaurant don't talk about my people like that well that's who talks to me about going there is it really go there all the time brettie snell is scott sternberg ryan o'connell they're always the guys that are like yeah we used to have a standing thing at jar jar this jar that i literally didn't know that to me i guess part of its appeal to me was it feels like kind of like old school la straight like um like a little like larry david to me maybe or like you know but it's not maybe it's not there i could be totally culturally wrong I know what you mean. Guess what? The food's divine. And for the listeners, you're hearing Jar, and they're thinking some horrifying restaurant from 2012. It's literally been there since, I think, late 90s, early 2000s, something like that. It is not that. It's not Jar. It's an unironic steakhouse. It's not kitschy steakhouse. It's just totally elegant. The food is divine. It's...

beautiful and we should all go okay we'll go get a nice tomahawk done some mashed taters cream spinach exactly caesar to share shrimp cocktail it's all that i'll once again have a salad at a steakhouse and uh sticky toffee pudding just one bottle of water for me please are you veg too yeah i mean i eat fish but they have beautiful they make fish beautifully for you Is this fish beautiful? I hope it's table-side, or I'm going to be sending it back. We'll be bone table-side. You're welcome. So, everyone, subscribe to Peacock Plus. And watch Would It Kill You to Laugh, starring me and Kate Berlant, directed by Andy DeYoung. Please, I'm serious. Watch it. Okay, deal. Thanks, John. All right, thank you, John. Y'all are the best. This was so fun. Thanks, John. It was fun for us, too. It's our pleasure. Should I just leave? So it goes, some things are meant to be Take my hand Take my whole life too For I Falling with you For I can't